Tuesday, August 30, 2011

the confusion i feel... maybe its time to cross this line

i have not felt motivated to write lately, like at all. even my twitter account has sat mostly dormant over the last few weeks. i am not sure why i don't feel like writing, i just don't. part of it may have to do with a general feeling of frustration i have felt for a little while.

many people know that i have been actively looking to re-enter into full time ministry. i have been on a sabbatical, for lack of a better description, for about two years now. i have been doing a lot of self-examination, exploring, seeking wise counsel, praying, reading and the like. i have had the chance to really look at who i am, and to explore what God has made me for. through this process i have looked at a variety of options going forward. i have looked at changing careers completely, furthering my education, changing directions within ministry, and other options. i have come through this time with a strong calling to return to ministry full time. i have this overwhelming sense that God has designed me, packed me if you will in a specific way in order for Him to use me in ministry.

because of this, i have been actively searching for the place God has for myself and my family as we begin this next phase of the journey. i will say this process has been one of challenges, difficulties, revelations, growth, development, frustration. the word i would use to describe a large part of this process would be disappointment. it has been through this process that i have grown unnervingly disappointed with many churches. through a little "research" by reading other blogs and hearing stories of other people seeking to enter into ministry in a church setting, much like i am, my stories and experiences in this process are not unique. which is unbelievably disappointing and frustrating.

the one major thing that stands out to me in this process from many, many, not all, but many churches is a complete lack of respect and decency towards those people inquiring about ministry opportunities at those churches. flat out ignoring attempts at contact and communication. flat out lying about plans to contact me. telling me that you will be getting back to me and then never doing so. replying to my resume submission with a letter 2 months later saying "thank you for applying for __________ position, we have decided not to move forward with you but it was a pleasure to meet you, speak with and get to know you." meet me? speak with me? get to know you? this is the first exchange we have had! pay attention!

am i wrong for thinking that churches, CHURCHES!, of all places should be a little more respectful, honest and forthright in their processes? is that really to much to ask. the benefit in all this, is based on the lack of respect and decency it affirms for me my desire to not be a part of those churches and rather to seek my place where God wants me. i know that God has a plan and purpose for my life and it is there that i long to be.