well, as i sit here at my kitchen table, a home made iced coffee to my left for me to enjoy, a few books to my right for me to enjoy, David Crowder Band's version of "How He Loves Us" playing on my laptop speakers, i have so many things running through my head. thoughts about my family, my kids and how my wife and i can be the best parents for them. thoughts about my wife and how i can be a better husband to her. my career and what that even means anymore. my faith and how i can continue to develop in it.
i am facilitating a small group of young adults and we are journeying through the book "Crazy Love: overwhelmed by a relentless God" by Francis Chan. we are just beginning to meet, but as the leader, i have been studying it for a little while now. its of course fantastic stuff, i have been a francis chan "fan" for a while.
there has been this one passage from the book that i read, and have re-read about 50 times since i first read it. its this thing that seems so basic, so obvious, but its something i needed to hear, and based on me re-reading, have needed to hear again, and again. i am currently in this place of seeking God's leading, i am exploring this tugging on my heart and my mind that i have felt from the Holy Spirit for a little bit now. as i have been exploring the picture that i am confident God is painting before me, some of my very, very human side has crept in, this idea of question God and his power, his wisdom, and if he can truly handle what i am dealing with. that is where this passage from "Crazy Love" comes in. instead of me trying to explain, i will let you read it for yourself, because, frankly, francis chan is a bit more skilled then i am at putting together this thought.
"When I am consumed by my problems --- stressed out about my life, my family, and my job --- i actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important that God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a right to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.
Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.
Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.
Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed.
We are we so quick to forget God? Who do we think we are? I find myself relearning this lesson often. Even thought I glimpse God's holiness, I am still dumb enough to forget that life is all about God and not about me at all." -- Francis Chan "Crazy Love" chapter 2 'You Might Not Finish This Chapter'
its to often i find myself consumed with myself, i think we all do. it all seems so big, so much, so important. and what happens? i forsake relationships, i forsake my God, because i am arrogant enough to believe that i am bigger than everything else. as francis chan says in that passage "Who do we think we are?" who do i think i am?
i pray that i am able to continuously see God in all of it, and to rejoice in Him, through it all.